Liability

If vulnerability was a crime I’d be doin 20 to life, if the judge was nice….

cuz at the current moment I’ve O.D’d with no resistance..
matter of fact, I think I’ve been addicted since time tamed existence…
And tho I’ve tried to kick it, the habit has been beyond persistent…
It’s like every time I turn around I’m right back with it…
Regardless of how many times I keep tryina quit it…
Broke in and stole my soul like a ruthless convict…
Black market my heart like a real cold bitch…
And yeah, history seems to repeat repeat…
And I’m doin my best not to accept defeat defeat
But time after time I get in too deep
And in the quicksand of defenselessness I can’t feel my feet
So I track n trap the swap till its time to meet
Face to face with my indiscretions while low self esteem’s at its peak….
And Now……(long dramatic pause)……. I’m weak
I search inside for the strength to conquer it,
But like a cancerous disease the cells of “them” have split.
Decided and divided to conquer so I can’t pinpoint the culprit…
My defenses have be compromised by this foreign antibody
That I’ve opened myself up to not knowin they’d be outtie…
I take chance after chance just to revisit my lust,
And I put myself out there, tho it always ends in disgust…
Forever is a long time to try to remain focused
Till I can discover the cause of my chronic mistrust…