Our present, Their Future

…We lose ourselves when the screams of our future go unheard as they’re drowned out by our 11, 7 and 4 year old daughters booty poppin to the baseline of a song they can’t even explain…but know all the words to. And as the past passes our progress we are now forced to face more than a recession..worse than that we face regression. All previous progress lost, and at what cost? Worth more than any silver or gold what we seek has been not lost, but stole. Stolen like a slogan copywriten but used without permission like when that unregistered sex offender moved into your neighborhood and tried to play “caveman” in his basement with your son. The Amerikkkan dream deferred…deterred from us cuz we coluh’d. The melanin in my skin has abolished my distant kin and excluded them from enjoying the same benefits as those colorless misfits. And who are they to say that our children will never make it!??!? Truth be told they are the bold. They are the masses that know that we don’t sit in classes. That our young will forever remain ignorant because tuition money was spent on tattoo’s across faces and $300 wigs made of laces to front for the so called ballers who’d rather every day be hustlin than to flex mental muscle. Now more than ever it’s more important to be cool than to go to school because if you’re popular than you have succeeded at….what? what have you accomplished with popularity that you will proudly pass down to your children? The future is lost because the cost of redemption is too great. The rejection of current fads would be considered hate. The price of the stolen souls of our children has been slashed to half off….only 50% of the effort to corrupt our youth is needed cuz they’re “wize beyawnd thay’re years” and any words of wisdom fall silently on deaf ears….

Liability

If vulnerability was a crime I’d be doin 20 to life, if the judge was nice….

cuz at the current moment I’ve O.D’d with no resistance..
matter of fact, I think I’ve been addicted since time tamed existence…
And tho I’ve tried to kick it, the habit has been beyond persistent…
It’s like every time I turn around I’m right back with it…
Regardless of how many times I keep tryina quit it…
Broke in and stole my soul like a ruthless convict…
Black market my heart like a real cold bitch…
And yeah, history seems to repeat repeat…
And I’m doin my best not to accept defeat defeat
But time after time I get in too deep
And in the quicksand of defenselessness I can’t feel my feet
So I track n trap the swap till its time to meet
Face to face with my indiscretions while low self esteem’s at its peak….
And Now……(long dramatic pause)……. I’m weak
I search inside for the strength to conquer it,
But like a cancerous disease the cells of “them” have split.
Decided and divided to conquer so I can’t pinpoint the culprit…
My defenses have be compromised by this foreign antibody
That I’ve opened myself up to not knowin they’d be outtie…
I take chance after chance just to revisit my lust,
And I put myself out there, tho it always ends in disgust…
Forever is a long time to try to remain focused
Till I can discover the cause of my chronic mistrust…

Reason Season Lifetime Lesson

To teach me was your reason;
patience was learned, you served your season
I’m learning my lesson for a lifetime,
In my time;
Wish I could buy time cuz it seems like there’s never enough.
Forever wasn’t your place
It wasn’t meant for your face
To be eternally embedded in the crevices of my heart;
Left footprints on my soul,
But they’ll fade away as the waves wade upon the distant shores where u left them.
I no longer stand watching to protect them
Ready to let the past leave me in the present,
Let it live where I left it;
If it’s gone, its time to accept it
And not regret it.
Lookin to the future cuz that’s where hope lives.
And I’m tryina move in but it’s blocked by a door that won’t give
My dreams keep growin on me.
Seems like I’m bein left behind in reality,
I can’t keep up so they die, too painful to see,
I been lookin but I can’t find the time to save ‘em.
I been lookin for the pause button too but that was dumb,
Cuz, time waits for no one, everything happens for a reason,
You served your season,
I’m learning my lesson for a lifetime,
in my time;
Wish I could buy time cuz it seems like there’s never enough….

Cheers To You, Bastards...

Foreword/Forewarning:The piece was started quite awhile ago...it has references from high school to more recent events in it. But it is just a glimpse of some of the things I keep to myself...

To the incompetent ass hole who found just cause in the explanation of, "just 'cause" as to his reason for leaving.
To the ex who came from nothin to less than something that stole pieces of the heart he broke leaving me feeling unable to wholely heal. To leave a bitter black woman to face the world with a holey heart and enough anger to kill any other emotions I should have been able to feel.
To the underachiever who I always uplifted and over praised with my desire to build him up so I can be the strong black woman behind this strong black man I mistakenly saw in him...my king..but you must have viewed me as your slave cuz the verbal and physical abuse had no use, and it definitely wasn't a part of my plan but no! You had to do it your way so..
Cheers to you...

To the cheater who made me promise I'd never lie and that I'd leave before I betrayed you..
To Mr. Perfect with the green eyes who had his brother bringing him his gun to shoot up my car...

To the nigga with the fear of commitment who swore I was the one...as long as he could see the sun but when nightfall hit, he was quick to turn into a trick..cuz he definitely ain't got it...matter of fact, if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have SHIT..he was livin wit me and still tried to play me like I was silly, so..
Cheers to you...

To the man who actually planned to make me his mistress.......I never could have guess that your kind plotted on woman like prey...day after day you watched, prepared, and waited until you were ready to pounce..waited for that moment when I was fragile and you knew a few acts of the nice kind would stay on my mind. Say the right words, do the right things, touch the right....side of my brain to cross the line where there was no turnin back...tell me how safe I make you feel, how you can't talk to her like you can to me, how whenever we're together life seems easy, and how miserable you are when you're when you're not with me, how much you hated your 'home', so at the time it didn't register when you were always sayin that we should just be alone. No public appearances for my protection...till you removed the contraceptive protecting my heart from the vicious infection that was you, and all of your being comes rushing inside of me and implants itself straight into my heart...only for you to then tell me you can't see me anymore, how this will be the last time you walk thru my door..how you and her are gonna give it just one more....man! You had me, so..
Cheers to you...

To the man who slept with my sister an hour after he told me he loved me...
To the father of 7 who said he'd put no one above me..
To the nigga who was willing to burn me. If it wasn't for my 6 month rule back in the day and that message from a face with familiar eyes; the one's your daughter has, and that maybe your son she's carrying will have too...(by the way, what time were you coming by my spot to pick lil mama up?) if she hadn't had the balls to say "Don't do it, and if you did, go get checked out cuz I had to! He's not only fuckin you and me but Detra, Amiya, Natasha, Imani, Erica and Lacey, and I don't even think I'm the only one with his baby!" Damn, you  almost had me caught up in some shit, so..
Cheers to you...

Hip hip....hooray and all that hoopla..
You've arrived at the place where everybody knows your name...you've hustled your way into the game and here's your 15 minutes of fame as we're all face to face in a room filled with no bodies because all that's here are souls; scorned, burned, and worn out from being dragging thru the mud all.....by...you...101 hearts hurt by 1 man, hundreds of times, amplified to the power of all the men who ain't shit.. So yeah, we all know your name, but please believe we dislike it just the same, and we relyin on Karma to keep us sane so...
To the bastards who will get what's coming to them...
Hip Hip Hooray and all that hoopla...
Cheers to you!