book cover

i'm not perfect...probably more of a fuck up than you could ever imagine a cute girl would be cable of being...but u should listen when they tell you looks are deceiving...i've done thing's to people i love that i wish i'd never done...said things that they never deserved to hear especially out of the mouth of someone who claims to be willing to give them the world...but fact remains it's happened. if i could go back in time it'd be to remove my pride and temporary reaction to the emotion from the equation...

truth be told, i'm in love....and more often than not i don't act like it..i know what i feel and i know what my head and heart know but it doesn't always accurately translate into actions that the blind eye would perceive to be real love. We had a conversation with my mother about the subject, "love" (never have i talked to my mother about such a thing so it was kinda awkward). But she believes that it's not sposed to hurt, and she's telling me this from her experience, which i totally understand...but from mine, if it wasn't love it wouldn't hurt. i didn't always feel this way nor believe this but hear me out. who hurts you the most? the people you care about. if you didn't care then whatever they did or said wouldn't hurt, or at least not as much right? the thing about it is, even tho you may not believe it, when i hurt "him"...i hurt too....not that it matters because his feelings are the matter at hand, but if i didn't love him then why would i care that i hurt him? we all know i have a very active batch of idgaf that is never afraid to rear its ugly head...but thats never the case with him... i can only say that i am blessed that he is humble, loving, kind, and forgiving amongst MANY other things.....him and his entire persona have changed me in so many ways for the better that even my mama noticed it...she just didn't know where the changes came from but after i told her she definitely agreed he was good for me to have around.

Now although i don't know what the future holds, i can say that i do know that i need to work on ME alot more. Even if you KNOW what you've got before its gone, you can still lose it, if you don't take proper care of it... and the fact that he still loves me at my worst, is enough to make me want to give him my best...i'm working on it.